


i see by you i am a sweet faced youth

by buckbeakbabie



Series: must i marry your sister? [1]
Category: 15th Century CE RPF, Henry IV - Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 1 - Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 2 - Shakespeare
Genre: Crossdressing, F/M, M/M, Twins, odd family dynamics, shakespearean twin shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22558717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckbeakbabie/pseuds/buckbeakbabie
Summary: “I do envy you. You get to do all this - disreputable friends and adventures thieving and taking princes as your lover.” Nell smiled a little sadly. “What I wouldn't give for a few nights of your life before I become Lady Pearce.”
Relationships: Prince Hal (Shakespeare)/Edward "Ned" Poins, Prince Hal (Shakespeare)/Eleanor "Nell" Poins
Series: must i marry your sister? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623133
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> MANY moons ago I saw the RSC's King and Country cycle, in which Alex Hassell delivered the 'must I marry your sister?' line in the most beautiful panicked way, as if there might be a reason he would HAVE to marry Nell. My instant reaction was 'HOW ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH THEM BOTH, HAL?' 
> 
> So this happened. Will be 4ish chapters, and possibly eventually an entire series.

Nell looked up at the house as they came to a stop. There was a light in the parlour window and smoke coming from the chimneys. "Ned must be home," she said with a grin. 

John rolled his eyes. “And the house is still standing…” 

"I wager he's had a lot more fun than you in the past few months," Nell said as she climbed down and smiled at the groom. 

"Depends on your definition of fun." 

"I've always agreed with Ned on that." 

They stepped inside. Despite the fire, the house didn't feel particularly warm. Ned must not have been spending much time here. She crossed the hall to the parlour door and opened it, not thinking to knock and taking the occupants of the room off guard. 

Ned wasn't alone. There were two others: a beautiful woman with fair curls spilling down her shoulders who sat in his lap, her legs draped over another man. He was tall and wiry with dark hair. They all started when she came in, and she stopped abruptly. 

"Nell!" Ned said with a grin, lifting the woman and setting her down on the chair before jumping to his feet. 

"Is that his wife?" the woman murmured. 

Nell heard the man chuckle. "His sister, I think." 

Ned bounded over to embrace her tightly, leaning against her. She laughed as she wrapped her arms around him. "You are drunk, Edward Poins." 

Ned grinned as he pulled back, then leaned in to kiss her forehead. "You have been gone two months, Eleanor Poins." 

"Have you been drunk the entire time?" she replied teasingly. 

Ned caught sight of John in the door. "Brother dearest. Lovely to have you home." 

Nell looked back to see John glowering in the doorway. "Ned. What is going on?" 

"I have guests, and your arrival is an unexpected delight.” Ned hesitated a second. "Is Mother with you?" 

"She will join us tomorrow. Thankfully," John said pointedly. He looked over at the strangers again. 

"I should be going," the woman said, getting to her feet. She searched for her shoes as she straightened her bodice. 

"No, you don't need to," Nell said. 

"Nell," John said sharply. 

"Don't be rude, John. As the man of the house you should be more welcoming." She smiled at Ned's guest. "Stay if you wish to." 

She smiled. "No, thanks. I'll be off." 

"Ned has been just as rude. I am his sister, Nell." 

"Nancy," the woman said, tugging on her shoes and picking up a cloak. "His…" 

Ned smiled. "Companion. Thank you, Nancy." He nodded over to the man, who tossed him a coin purse which he passed to Nancy.

John was red in the face. 

"I will show you out," Nell said. 

"Nell, to bed," John said. 

Nell glared at her older brother. "John, you are being rude again.” 

John gritted his teeth. He glanced over his shoulder at the man, who was chuckling to himself. 

“Will you now turn the Prince of Wales out onto the street?” Ned asked pointedly. “That would truly be an insult.” 

Nell's eyes widened. She knew that Ned had been spending time with the Prince, but hadn't expected to find him in their living room. John bowed, his jaw clenched. Nell looked over at the Prince - Hal, as Ned knew him. Hal grinned, and Nell curtsied, turning to Nancy immediately after. 

“This way, Nancy. Goodnight, John. Ned. Your highness.“ 

Ned winked at her. "Goodnight, sister. I think we shall take our gathering to my room. Hal, what say you?" 

John threw his hands up. "I am going to bed. Nell - be sensible, please. Two months out of his company must count for something.” 

Nell ignored him, instead showing Nancy through the house and to the front door. "I am sorry about John. I hope Ned wasn't as bad." 

Nancy smiled. "No, Ned's a good lad. Are you the twin he's mentioned?" 

She smiled. “Yes, I am.” 

Nancy pulled the door open. ”Nice to meet you, ma'am.“ 

"And you. Goodbye," she said, waving her off. 

Nell hurried up the stairs once she had left, and as she neared Ned's door she heard laughter. She grinned, and knocked on the door. 

Ned threw it open and grinned. He raised his finger to his lips and pulled her inside. "Come in, come in," he said as he closed the door. "It has been an age. You must meet Hal properly."

Hal smiled. "I like how you managed your brother." 

Nell took the glass of wine Ned offered her. "Well, I have many years of experience. And the best of it is that he thinks Ned is a bad influence on me, so I escape his wrath.” 

"It was never that way when we were children," Ned said, with a grin. "She was a terror." 

Nell sighed as she sipped her wine. "And now I must go to the country with my brother and mother while my twin stays in London and meets interesting people." 

"What, him? No, he is not the least bit interesting." Ned winked at Hal, who laughed and tossed a pillow in his direction. 

Nell smiled. "Should I … leave you to it?" 

Ned shook his head. "Not just yet." 

Hal raised an eyebrow. 

“Nell knows all my secrets,” Ned assured him as he draped an arm around Nell's shoulder. 

Nell took a long sip of wine, smiling in appreciation. "John will kill you for drinking this." 

Ned scoffed. "Has it been dreadful being confined with him?" 

Nell shrugged. "Mother helps, but it has been very, very dull." 

"How is Mother? Is she well?" 

"Yes. She is eager to see you." 

"Good, good." He filled Nell's glass again. "Did anything of note happen in the country?" 

Nell laughed, taking a long sip of her wine. She didn't intend to get as drunk as her brother but she wanted to catch up a little. "Well, the conquest of Lady Elizabeth continues apace, with little charm and plenty of flattery.” 

Ned gave a laugh that was mostly giggle - one she remembered from childhood and now only heard when she caught him like this. Hal chuckled too, and Nell caught a fond look on his face. 

“Is the lady moved?” Hal asked. 

“She seems to tolerate John’s company.” 

“Has he decided to marry you off yet?” Ned asked, his tone amused. 

Nell looked down at her cup, not finding much humour in that. “No. I might marry myself off soon.” 

When she glanced up, Ned looked crestfallen, betrayed. “To whom?” 

“Robert Pearce.” At Ned's look of horror she shook her head. “Shh, Ned. Not now.” She knocked back the last of her drink and held it out to him. “More wine.” 

Ned was pouting as he refilled her cup, then seemed to shake himself.

“John married. The idea is…” He shuddered. “John on his wedding night. As a lover!” 

“You should give him some brotherly advice,” Hal said. “Judging by his reaction to poor old Nancy he's never had a whore.” 

“He's had a whore,” Ned said dismissively. “Not that he will ever admit such a weakness.” 

“And he will still need the advice,” Nell said, in between long sips of wine. “I would like to be there when you give it to him.” 

“He would never let your innocent ears hear such filth.” 

Nell snorted. “I could teach him more than you.” Hal raised an eyebrow. She raised her cup to her brother wordlessly, and Ned refilled it. That pleasant buzz was descending on her, and she was able to think back fondly to Kate, without dwelling overmuch on what lay ahead for her. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Ned replied cockily. 

Nell raised an eyebrow. “When advising John on the marital bed, I have more relevant experience.” 

Ned scoffed. “Nancy would disagree.” 

Nell smirked. “Would she?" she challenged. 

“Will you not defend me?” Ned appealed to Hal. 

Hal raised an eyebrow. “Me?” 

“Yes!” Ned replied, indignant. 

“Even if he was to praise your ability, it would not be relevant,” Nell said. “We are talking about how John might please a lady.” 

Ned pulled a face. “Why are we talking about how John might please anyone?” 

Hal smirked. “I would have your sister advise him.” 

Ned reached out to slap his shoulder. “Hush."

Nell laughed. “Dear, dear. Ned, you must work harder to please your prince.” 

Hal chuckled. “Yes, you must.” 

Ned gave him a narrow-eyed glare, but was smirking behind his wine glass. 

“So he told you of me?” Hal asked Nell. 

Nell grinned. “Oh yes. ‘Nell, Nell, you won't believe whose prick I just sucked!’” She dropped her voice a little to imitate her brother, who lunged over to clap his hand around her mouth. She wriggled away, laughing along with Hal. 

“It is flattering to know you boasted of it,” Hal said. 

“And said it was the sorriest looking prick I had ever had between my lips,” Ned said. Hal lunged for Ned now, and Ned slipped out of his reach.

Nell choked on her wine as she held back laughter, shaking her head. “He said he could have composed a sonnet.” 

“A sonnet?” Hal asked with a waggle of his eyebrows. 

“She lies. She lies, do not listen to her.” 

She was lying, but it was very amusing. 

“I want to hear this sonnet,” Hal said, giving Ned a pleading look. Nell couldn't fault her brother for how his shoulders slumped - the Prince's eyes were the sort that would ensure he could get whatever he pleased, even if he hadn't been the son of a King. 

“There is no sonnet,” Ned said. 

"Well, then, you should write him one.” She finished her drink and stood up, swaying a little. “I will leave you to it.” 

Ned smiled at her. “Goodnight, sister.” 

Nell leaned in and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, brother. Your highness,” she added, curtsying clumsily and ironically at the Prince. 

“Goodnight. A pleasure to meet you,” Hal called as she made her way to the door. She stumbled down the corridor until she found her room, then collapsed fully clothed into bed. 

\-- 

When she woke the next morning, their old nurse (now her companion and chaperone) was throwing open the curtains. 

She groaned, hiding her head beneath the pillows. “Not yet, not yet.” 

“It is almost noon, ma’am,” Nurse scolded. 

“We had a late journey,” Nell murmured into her mattress. 

“You had a great deal of wine with Master Ned,” she scolded. “You didn’t even undress. I don't know what he was thinking. You are not children any more.” 

“We did not get drunk when we were children,” Ned's voice came from where Nell assumed was the bedroom door. “Good morning, Nursie!”

“Master Ned,” Nurse said with fondness. Nell assumed they were embracing. “My how you have grown. You're a young man now.” 

“And a handsome one.” 

“Ned! That is very very naughty.” 

Nell moved her head to peer over, wondering what was happening. Nurse was tugging Ned's shirt closed. 

“Shhh, Nursie. Our secret.” 

“I have kept enough of your secrets. I'm keeping Miss Nell's condition this morning secret already. Your brother will want to know why you missed breakfast.” 

Nell flopped down again. “Tell him I am suffering from female complaints.” 

“Ugh,” Ned said, jumping on her bed with a disgusted expression. 

Nurse sighed. “I'll bring you up some food shortly. Is your guest gone?” 

Ned nodded. “Early this morning. Thanks, Nursie.” 

She left, and Ned grinned at Nell. “Are you regretting last night?”

She shook her head. “Not at all. How is your head? You had much more to drink than I did.” 

“It aches but no more than a usual morning.” He flopped down, hooking his arms behind his head and crossing his ankles. “So.” 

Nell sighed. “You are going to ask about Robert.” 

“Of course I am. Are you really going to marry him?” 

“I might be. It is not as if the banns are being read. It - it makes sense.” 

“Not to me,” he declared. “Why are you thinking of it at all? I mean, marriage. Do you really want it?” 

Nell closed her eyes. “I … could become accustomed to the idea.” 

“You swore once you were never going to marry.” 

“Yes and what age was I then? Thirteen? Fifteen, perhaps? Ned, it is not the same for me. We have known this for years now.” 

“Marriage, though. And babies. Do you really want babies?” 

Nell elbowed him sharply. “No. But we cannot all go to taverns and meet ladies like Nancy or the Prince of Wales. I am a woman and I am not a child anymore. The only way to stop living like one is to get married, to move on with my life. For heavens sake, Nursie still wakes me up in the morning."

“I would not mind that,” he said, a little sulkily. 

“Bully for you. It is different for us. You know if I was able to do what you do, I would. I fought against this as a girl but Ned - this is life. You have to grow up eventually.” 

“This is because of Kate,” Ned said. 

“No,” Nell responded. “We knew we both had to marry, because it is how the world works. She may have married first, but this is not because I’m pining for my lover.” 

“You have been too serious since she married,” Ned complained. “You may as well be John.” 

Nell reached out to slap his arm. “Bite your tongue.” 

Ned rubbed his arm, sighing. “Robert, though?” 

“Yes. I could do a lot worse.” Ned was still pulling a face. “Any day now, John could grow some balls and find me a husband himself.” 

“Nell, he will never grow balls.” But he did smile slightly. 

“Stranger things have happened. Mother is well now, but she won't always be here. Then, it will all be up to John, for both of us. Do you think he will let you stay here, and keep giving you an allowance?” 

“He gives me pittance now,” Ned grumbled. 

“He would give you less. We have to face it sooner or later and it might as well be now, and my own choice.” 

Ned’s brow furrowed. “They do not come to town. I will never see you." 

She smiled. “You will have to come visit me. Once you marry a wealthy merchant’s daughter I will come visit you.” 

He pulled another face. 

“You at least are expected to wait a few more years. I will have to marry soon. Relatively soon,” she added. “Robert has not inherited yet, which appeals to me. If I pick him and we get engaged, I will have a few more years to get used to the idea.” 

Ned sighed. “I suppose.” 

“I do envy you. You get to do all this - disreputable friends and adventures thieving and taking princes as your lover.” She smiled a little sadly. “What I wouldn't give for a few nights of your life before I become Lady Pearce.” 

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. As he moved back, Nell saw the bite marks on his chest. 

“Nursie was right, that is very naughty. Did you recite him a sonnet?” she asked teasingly. 

Ned smirked. “My mouth was otherwise occupied.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ned tried not to let the conversation with Nell play on his mind over the next few days. He went out less, stayed at home to greet their mother and tease John as they always had. But Nell was different now. She joined in his jokes but with a sort of nostalgic expression on her face, as if she was preparing to leave it all behind. 

They had done everything together since they were born. Nursie always told the story of how small they had been, how everyone had worried for them. How one blanket had been enough to wrap them both, and how they had been held close to someone’s chest for the first weeks. How they shared illnesses, cut teeth at the same time, and even took their first steps in unison. 

They had started lessons together, because both refused to have them separately. Ned had learned needlework and Nell Latin and neither of them remembered much of anything now because they had been paying the same amount of attention to their tutors. 

So that Nell was so set on moving out - not just to the country for a month or two, not just temporarily, but for good - seemed _wrong_. She would join another family, take a different name and start a whole new life. Not only would he lose her, but her choices made him feel conscious of how long he had until those choices fell to him. 

Even the thought of it was torture. After a week he responded to Hal's pleading note and met him at the Boar’s Head. Hal seemed very put out that he hadn't been around. He teased Ned about it, faked wasting away from lovesickness, but underneath his words Ned could sense Hal was irritated that Ned had not been at his beck and call the last few days. 

Moments like this made him question what he was even doing in a stinking tavern in Eastcheap with a man who, when it came down to it, would desert them all for his proper life. Ned harboured none of Falstaff’s illusions about how things would be when Hal became King, or even simply accepted that he would one day be King. Hal would leave this life behind and Ned along with it in an instant. Yet Ned stayed. He fell into Hal's bed and told himself he was fine with enjoying every second of it, told himself that he would stop once Hal did and all would be well. That he could walk away. 

He should do that now, make his own choice as Nell had put it. But he knew that was a wasted thought. As if he would be able to walk away from this life a second sooner than he must.

“What is the matter with you tonight?” Hal sighed, when Ned had barely cracked a smile at his litany of insults to Falstaff. “If you are going to sit here with that long face you should have stayed at home.”

“And ignored your royal summons?” he replied. Hal looked surprised at the bite in his reply. Ned took a gulp of sack and glanced down. 

“What has you in such a mood? I've never known you to be so miserable and sour.” Hal leaned across the table and poked his forearm. Ned looked up to find Hal giving him a questioning but surprisingly soft look. 

He looked away. 

“I will have it out of you,” Hal declared. 

Ned scoffed. 

“I will.” Hal's tone was playful now, and he dived across the table, wrapping his arm around Ned’s neck and pressing Ned’s cheek to his own ribs. Ned struggled, but he couldn't free himself. Hal scraped his knuckles against the top of Ned’s head.

“Stop, stop!” He squirmed slightly, then sighed. “It is Nell, all right?” 

Hal loosened his grip a little. “Is your sister well?” 

“Yes. She is getting married. Or rather thinking about taking steps to get married.” 

Hal released him. “Your sister is getting married? That is what has you in such a mood? That is what sisters do.” 

Ned pulled a face and flattened his hair. “Nell is not a sister. Not like that.” 

“My sisters are getting married imminently. They are much younger than Nell.” 

“Yes but they are princesses. Besides, Nell is more than a sister. She does not belong as someone's wife, tucked away in the country making babies.” He downed his drink. “She is so witty, Hal. You did not see half of it the other night. Nell is clever and funny and she belongs here!” He waved an arm around. “She would love to have this. We were born minutes apart and but for a fluke of our births, that is her destiny. That could have been me.” 

Hal smiled. “You are not going to be tucked away in the country making babies, Ned. But if Nell wants that, then she will.” 

“But does she want it?" Ned asked. "Or does she feel she must?" 

Hal shrugged. “What did she say?” 

“That she wanted to move forward. To … grow up.”

Hal looked horrified for a second, then downed his drink. “I think John may have had more of an influence on her than you these past years.” 

Ned grimaced. “He has ruined her!” 

Hal clapped his shoulder. “It is the way of the world. She has that life, but … We have this one. And we must enjoy it!” He leaned his head back, rocking in his chair. “Francis! More sack!” 

“Good, my boy. Good,” Falstaff said, hailed by the call for sack. “Have you penetrated what is the matter with this sorry creature?” He nudged Ned as he took a seat at their table. 

“His sister is getting married.” 

“To a rich man?” Falstaff asked. 

“Not very,” Ned said. 

“What a waste.” 

“It really is,” Ned muttered. 

Hal shook his head. “Enough of that. Come on, we will make you enjoy tonight if it kills you. Falstaff, shall we put on a play for Ned?” 

\-- 

When Falstaff’s play didn't cheer Ned up, Hal took him to bed. And while it helped, pressing Hal into the mattress, having Hal give his body up for Ned's pleasure and distraction, it didn't help for very long. 

Even his mother noticed. Short and petite, though grown somewhat rounder of late, Lady Eleanor Poins still doted on her youngest children. Even though Ned arrived home as the family were sitting down to breakfast, his mother only clucked her tongue gently and leaned in to smooth his hair before pushing food towards him. 

John rolled his eyes, and everyone ignored him. 

“Did you have a good evening?” his mother asked. “I do hope you weren’t up to anything dangerous.” 

Aside from buggering the heir to the throne, he had been very well behaved the night before. “No, mother. I would never,” he said with a wink. 

She raised an eyebrow. “Ned, take care. I would hate to see anything happen to you.” 

“I stayed in the tavern all evening, and then retired to my rooms. You may ask my servant to vouch for me.” 

“I trust you,” she said fondly. 

John scoffed, then got to his feet. “I have business to attend to.” 

Nell smirked as he left. “How was Hal?” 

"Well. He asked after you.” 

“Did you meet the prince?” Eleanor asked Nell. 

“Yes, when we came back to London the other week, he was here with Ned. He is very charming and witty, which is rare.” 

“Do I not get to meet your friends, Ned?” Eleanor asked with a playful smile. 

He chuckled. “I could ask him to dinner.” 

“Do!” she said. “I want to make sure he is a good influence on you.” 

Nell smirked. “I am not sure anyone could be.” 

“You certainly never tried,” their mother said teasingly. “Do be kinder to John, children. He is very concerned about this business with Lady Elizabeth. He is very keen for it all to come off without a hitch. He has been very good to you about Robert, dear.” 

Ned pulled a face. “Mother, you cannot be behind this madness as well.” 

“Of course I am. Nell suggested it, and I want my daughter to be happily settled.” 

Nell nodded, seeming to tense up. “Ned does not approve.” 

“Why on earth not?” his mother asked. 

“She deserves better,” he said. 

“Than Robert?” Lady Eleanor asked. 

“A vast deal better than any husband,” he replied. 

Nell rolled her eyes. “I would be flattered, but I know you are only upset because if accept my fate, so must you.” 

“My fate?” Ned replied, pulling a face. “How ominous.” 

“You are the one acting as if it will be the end of her life,” his mother said fondly. “Ned, you know it is a choice she must make, do not make it more difficult.” She got to her feet, kissed Ned on the forehead and patted his hair. “I cannot bear to hear you argue.” 

“See, you have upset mother,” Ned said after she had left the room. 

Nell rolled her eyes. “Ned, please. All I wish is to spend time with my brother before I must return to watch John make eyes at Lady Elizabeth. Can we stop this nonsense?” 

Ned sighed. 

“What would you have me do? How can I convince you I am prepared for this decision?” 

He shrugged. “You already seem… different. Resigned to it.” 

“How should I be?” she asked. 

“You should be seizing this chance to …” He paused. 

Nell smiled. “To enjoy my last days of freedom?” 

“Yes. Though it is not days, you said it would be some time before you married and I insist on that.” He hated that he had accepted it, even in some small way. 

Nell smiled. “What do you want to do, Ned?”

He paused. “I wish we could have fun, as we used to.” 

“Do you want to take me thieving? Shall I drink at the Boar’s Head?” she suggested teasingly. 

Ned leaned forward. “Yes! Yes, that is it precisely.” Nell paused. “Come to the Boar’s Head. Have a night with us.” 

Nell grinned, and he could see she was tempted. 

“You could come in disguise,” he said. “No one need know it was you going in, and no one there would care who you are.” 

She hesitated. “They may talk.” 

“Then dress as a boy! Use my old clothes, I will get a wig.” 

Nell laughed. “Would it not be obvious?” 

Ned grinned. “No one knows you there except Hal, and he will not say anything.” He laughed. “Oh, it would be hilarious to fool them all. I don’t think any would notice. Falstaff might, if he were sober, but I doubt he will be.” 

“I have been curious about Falstaff, it would be very amusing to meet him...” 

“Is that a yes?” Ned asked eagerly. 

Nell nodded, beaming. “It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd, please let me know if you see typos!


	3. Chapter 3

There was a bounce in Nell’s step as they made their way through the streets of Eastcheap. John suspected not a thing, she was wearing Ned’s old clothes with a wig he’d found. The binding on her chest had settled into a slight ache and her scalp itched but she had never been happier. 

“If we do not use your disguise to have some sport with Falstaff, we are fools. I know not what we must do yet, but we must. Somehow.” 

She laughed. “I hope it fools them. Enough of them, anyway.” 

He grinned. “You could be my twin.” She laughed. “Though perhaps not when you laugh so. Too high.” 

She chuckled, trying for something deeper. “You laugh that high when you are very giddy, Ned. I will be fine.” 

“Lies!” he said, winking at her. He moved to open the door to the tavern. “My dear cousin, welcome to the Boar’s Head,” he said with a flourish. 

She stepped inside, her eyes adjusting to the dim light and the thick, warm air. She felt a thrill of delight. “It smells terrible.” 

Ned clapped her on the back. “It will get worse.” 

He led her inside, deeper into the little rooms, past people who called out to him. Ned waved back, calling insults as he went.

“Here we are. Lads I have brought a guest tonight. My cousin Tom, from the country. Tom, I present Bardolph, Peto and Sir John Falstaff.” 

Nell bowed with a flourish, grinning. 

“He has a look of you about him, young Edward,” Falstaff said. “Welcome, my boy, welcome. Pull a chair over and tell us of yourself. Is it your first time in Eastcheap?” 

“Yes,” Nell said, trying to seem bold. Brassy. 

“Well. You will not be familiar with the custom.” 

“What custom, Jack?” Ned asked from her side. 

“Why Ned, the custom of buying drinks the first time one visits a tavern.” 

Ned rolled his eyes. “There is no such custom.” 

Nell shook her head, laughing. “I will do it.” 

Falstaff beamed. “Good lad, good lad. Francis!”

The drinks came, and Nell felt something warm inside her - quite apart from the sack. She could do anything she wanted. No one knew her here. She hadn’t realised until Ned suggested this how much she wanted this feeling.

Hal entered just as the drinks had been brought. Ned jumped up to greet him with a playful mock-punch. 

“My cousin Tom is visiting from the country and has bought us all drinks.” Ned said after he had dodged a swing by Hal. The amusement was evident in his voice. “Tom, the Prince of Wales.” 

Nell got to her feet and bowed slightly. “Your Grace." She looked up at him, hoping that he would keep his recognition of her hidden in public. “Will you have a drink?” 

He didn't seem to react at all, but smiled and looked at the table. “Has Falstaff roped you in to buying him sack already? You uncharitable rogue. You should be welcoming our young friend.” 

“He was not a friend until he proved his love for me," Falstaff responded. 

“Is the provision of sack to be the only way that is done?” Hal asked pointedly. 

“Well it is the best way I can think of. Unless it is to make a gift of a few shillings, or to extend a loan of more…” 

Ned was grinning, and he patted Hal’s shoulder. “Tom volunteered.” 

Nell nodded. “I did.”

Hal nodded. “Then I will buy you one and in return you will regale us of tales of Ned’s youth.” 

Ned did a double take. “No, no, buy your own drinks, Tom. There is no need of that.” 

“As if I could say anything that would cause you shame, Ned Poins. You have none.” 

Ned grinned. “Villainous, villainous claim! From one of my own blood…” 

“We could do with another, dear prince,” Falstaff said. 

Hal moved to sit beside Nell. Nell looked to the side nervously, but he smiled. “Be not uneasy,” he said. “Do not trouble yourself over protocol. Treat me with as much courtesy as you would your cousin.” 

Nell wondered if he was a very good actor, or if he even suspected at all. As the sack began to flow freely and Hal and Falstaff began exchanging the most creative, good natured insults she had ever heard, Ned sidled up to her. 

“Are you well?” 

She nodded, her head pleasantly fuzzy. “Yes. I am having the best night. Do you think - has Hal actually realised?” 

Ned gave a slight laugh, the one she had teased him over as they arrived. “I don't think he has. It's wonderful.” 

She nodded. “It is. Thank you,” she said with a warm smile, and leaned up to kiss him on the forehead. 

\-- 

Ned watched his sister as the night went on. She was as relaxed as one could be when keeping such a secret. Miraculously, no one suspected. 

Not even Hal. That was the part he couldn't believe. That Bardolph and Peto would be fooled he had no doubt. But _Hal_. Hal was comparatively sober, yet seemed to genuinely believe that Nell was a boy named Tom. He had met Nell. If that wasn't hilarious enough, Hal approached him as Nell was playing flapdragon and leaned close. 

“Would you object to my taking your cousin home tonight, Ned?” 

Ned choked on his drink, glancing to the side. “You … Wish to bed Thomas?” 

Hal nodded. “Yes. I think he could be interested though I haven't pursued it much yet.” 

“Is he not … Very young?” Ned was trying his hardest not to grin too widely. This was wonderful. 

“He said he is of an age with you,” Hal said. 

Ned’s brow furrowed. “I am the elder.” Nell couldn't say that, not when she looked like a teenager. And he was the elder by a full quarter hour. 

Hal raised an eyebrow. “Then your cousin has retained more of his youthful looks.” He grinned, pinching Ned's cheek. “Are you jealous?” 

“Of his looks?” 

“Of my admiration of them, or his of mine,” Hal said with a gleam in his eye. “We have never laid claim to one another before.” 

Ned was doing his very best not to laugh aloud. This was more than he could hope for. “Are you sure of this interest?” 

“I haven't pursued it as of yet but I suspect there might be. Does he not seek the company of men? Would he be at all interested?” 

Ned had no notion of how to respond. 

Hal nudged him. “If you are plagued by jealousy you would be welcome to join us.” 

Ned’s eyes widened, horror curling inside him at the thought. Before he could reply, Nell made her way over, her eyes gleaming with mischief. 

“Ned! Ned, do you remember that summer when we were ten and we played that trick on Nursie with our cups of milk?” 

Ned grinned, nodding. “That was excellent.” 

“Well. I am going to do it with Falstaff.” She was practically bouncing. 

Ned tossed his head back and laughed. 

Hal looked between them. “What? What is it?” he asked, his eyes shining too. 

“You will see, it will be wonderful. Just follow our lead.” Ned watched as his sister grabbed the rest of his drink and downed it, then made her way back to the table. 

“Say you do not mind if I take him home, Ned,” Hal said. “Please.” 

\-- 

Nell had sat in front of Falstaff. “I have a challenge for you, Falstaff. I bet you cannot do it,” she said. 

“What do you bet, though? Say what you will wager.” 

She grinned. “If you win, I will pay for your drinks for the rest of the evening. If you do, you will pay for mine.” 

“Do not bankrupt yourself, Thomas,” Hal warned. 

“I accept the wager,” Falstaff said, waving a hand at Hal. 

“Of course you do, it is a grossly uneven bargain. Are you certain, cousin?” Ned asked. 

Nell turned around. “Francis, a jug of sack, please.” 

“This is an good beginning,” Falstaff said. 

Nell poured a glass to the very brim. She laid her left hand palm down on the table, feeling a little conscious of how feminine it looked to her eyes. She lifted the cup carefully with her right hand and set it down on the back of her left. It shook as she helped it find balance, and then with a careful flourish she pulled it away. Thankfully, though it had been some years since she had done this trick, she could still manage it. 

There was a scattered applause and she held up her free hand. “Wait. Wait…” 

Ned and Hal began to drum their hands against another table, building anticipation. 

She lifted her left hand carefully, balancing the cup somewhat precariously. She held her hand an inch above the table and there was a louder, more impressed cheer. She lowered her hand, not spilling a drop, and lifted the cup to take a swig as the cheers continued. 

“Child's play,” Falstaff said. Nell grinned and poured him a glass. 

“Come then. Palm down on the table and we'll see what you make of it.” 

There was laughs around as Falstaff lifted the glass and Ned and Hal drummed their hands again. It took him a little longer to have it balance, but he managed it. Just about. 

“Now, lift it,” Ned said. 

As soon as Falstaff lifted his hand the cup wobbled precariously, dark liquid spilling over the side. Only Ned's quick instincts prevented it from spilling completely. 

Nell grinned smugly. “I shall take my winnings at your leisure, Sir John.” 

“That will be never,” Hal said from her side. “Demand it now if you wish to see any of it.” 

“You are very keen, my boy, very keen to rob an old man,” Falstaff complained. “I have not the steady hand I had in my youth, the game was unfairly rigged.” 

Ned smirked. “Will you take pity on him, Tom?” 

Nell tilted her head. “I might. One chance to win it back. Instead of lifting your hand, if you can balance a cup on both hands at once, I will declare you the winner.” 

Falstaff grinned. “If I can have the drinking of them once l win, then I agree.” 

There was a loud laugh, and Hal and Ned moved either side of him, filling two cups. They lowered them on to his hands, someone else providing the drum beat, and Nell kept her expression mildly amused. 

When Ned and Hal took their hands away everyone cheered, and Nell looked around as she clapped. 

“Well done, well done.” 

Ned moved through the crowd gathered, murmuring to them, and Nell dusted her hands. “Well, congratulations. This should cover the rest of the evening.” She placed coins on the table, then turned away. “Ned, time we were off, don't you think?” 

Ned nodded as everyone turned away, laughing softly as they followed his orders. He approached Nell's side with Hal, who was shaking with suppressed laughter. 

Falstaff looked at the money, grinning, and then suddenly realised he couldn't reach it without upsetting the cups of sack. 

“Goodbye, Falstaff,” everyone called, and trooped out the door. Nell and the boys were last, and they laughed loudly as Falstaff swore at them, as the laughs of the others in the tavern grew raucous. 

Hal draped his arm around her. “You are … Magnificent.” 

Nell clutched her side, still laughing too hard to speak or even breathe. 

“Damn your eyes!” Falstaff bellowed. 

Nell gasped for air, feeling a sharp pain in her side. Hal was leaning against her, and though she rather liked the feeling, her binding felt incredibly tight all of a sudden.

“Tom?” Ned asked, appearing by her side.

“Take me - some air,” she wheezed, still laughing slightly. 

Ned moved forward and offered her his arm, leading her through the crowd. “Mistress Quickly may we use a room? For a moment, that is all.” 

“Of course, up the stairs," the landlady said. 

“Will someone free me or I will drink you!” Falstaff shouted. 

Hal tossed his head back and laughed. “Go, we will take pity on him.” 

Once they were alone, Ned allowed his concern to show. “Are you well?” 

“Yes I just - need to take my bindings off. I've laughed too much.” Her eyes were bright as she tossed her jacket aside and panted as she pulled off the shirt. Ned helped her untie the bandages and unwrapped them, and finally Nell could take a complete breath. 

“Thank you. Oh, Ned. This is so wonderful. Thank you.” She kissed his forehead, then rubbed at her side as she pulled back on the shirt without the binding for now. “This is too wonderful. Are we really fooling Hal?" 

Ned nodded, grinning. “We are. We might have some sport with that too.” 

“Let us ask him what he thinks of your sister!” She said with a laugh. 

“I know what he thinks of my cousin. He asked if it would be strange if he were to take you to bed." He laughed, but Nell could see that he was studying her reaction. 

Nell’s eyes widened and she laughed. “I am that convincing?” 

“Apparently so.” Ned shook his head. 

Nell paused. “He wants to - really?” 

Ned raised an eyebrow. “Flattered?” 

“Well of course. He is a prince after all.” She tilted her head. “I wonder would he be interested if he knew I was Nell?” 

Ned grinned. “Are you interested, sister?” 

She nodded. “You know, I think I am.” 

Ned raised an eyebrow. 

"I would like to have some good experience in that area," she admitted. “I have not had any experience with men, and it's not guaranteed at all if I wait for my husband." 

“I would not have high hopes for Robert," Ned agreed. 

“It would be a good thing to know that you had bedded the King," she said with a laugh. 

Ned smirked. “It will be.” He paused. "But Nell, this is not - I do not know how much he will be eager to continue our acquaintance when he is King.” 

Nell nodded. “Of course. But just once, you know?" She was growing to like the idea. "Would it be strange for you, as he is your lover first?” 

Ned shook his head. “No. Not at all.” He laughed, shaking his head slightly. “When Hal asked me the same question he said if I were jealous I could join you.” 

Nell pulled a face. _"Oh lord_ no. Bind me again.” 

“Are you sure?” Ned asked as she stripped off her shirt. 

“Not as tightly, I think. We’re not staying here much longer are we?” 

“Desperate to get Hal to yourself?” he asked teasingly. 

“Now you mention it….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd, please let me know if you see typos!


	4. Chapter 4

Hal was all too happy to follow Ned and his cousin out of the tavern and towards his rooms. Tom had definitely been responding to his advances more as the night went on. He was currently skipping with a light grace through the night streets, laughing merrily. 

“This is so wonderful!” he said, spinning to face them. 

Hal looked around, raising an eyebrow. It was hardly the fairest part of the city, certainly not at this hour of night. “You must come from a very dull place indeed.” 

Tom nodded. “I do. I really do.” 

Inside, they settled with cups of sack and Hal leaned close to Thomas. “You promised me stories of Ned as a boy.” 

“I never promise anything, my lord.” Tom’s eyes shone. “Those will cost you.” 

“You are drinking my wine,” he pointed out. 

Tom tilted his head. “I don’t want to talk about Ned,” he said, scoffing. Ned gave a noise of protest. “I hear you have met Nell.” 

Hal blinked. “Yes. Briefly.”

"What did you think of the lady?" 

"Ah, do you have a fondness for your cousin?" Hal asked teasingly. 

Tom gave a slight laugh. "She is the best woman I know." 

Ned laughed from the corner, high pitched and giddy. 

"Ahhh. A man in love?" Hal asked.

Tom shrugged. "A man who admires her beauty. You cannot deny it." 

Hal tilted his head. "I suppose." 

"You suppose?" Tom said, indignant. "She is glorious. Her bosom, Hal." 

Hal tilted his head, trying to remember. She had darker hair than Ned, with bright cheeks and wide smile and had been very pleasing. He tried to remember her bosom. "Yes. It is magnificent, though I just met her the once." 

Tom laughed, leaning back in his chair and clutching his side. 

"Do you spend a great deal of time thinking about her bosom?" Hal asked. 

Tom shrugged. "About as much time as any man would when faced with such beauty.” 

"How much is that?" Ned asked pointedly, raising an eyebrow at Tom. Tom rolled his eyes and responded with a rude gesture. 

Hal laughed, supposing this was less enjoyable for the lady's brother. Ned didn't seem too bothered, though, mainly amused. He leaned forward, closer to Tom. "How besotted are you, young Thomas? Have you only eyes for fair Nell? Or are you a ladies' man?" 

Tom found this unaccountably funny. "Yes. A ladies man.“ 

"Have you designs on your cousin's virtue? Speak softly, Ned will not pass any remarks." 

"Her body is mine," Tom said, gasping for air, truly in hysterics. 

Hal glanced at Ned. "Is this a scheme to divert the marriage plans?" 

Ned shook his head with a shrug. "I - oh for heaven's sake,” he said, looking at Tom, who was red in the face. "Are you well?" 

Tom took a deep breath, with a slight wince. "I am perfectly well."

Hal reached out to slide a hand along his back. "Are you?" he asked, his voice lower. 

Tom shuddered. "Yes." He was still breathless, and Hal flattered himself that it was something more. He slowed the movement of his hand, looking Tom in the eye. 

"Are you? Not suffering from your admiration for your lady?" Hal asked, his voice low. 

Tom's eyes gleamed. "If I was?" 

"Well. I could offer some … assistance," he said. He shifted closer, slipping the hand on Tom's back underneath his coat. He drew light circles with his finger, disappointed to find the shirt bulky, with something like an undershirt underneath it. He’d fancied feeling the heat of Tom’s skin. "It is a lonely thing, to be in love.” 

"Oh God," Ned groaned. Hal glanced over to see him drop his head to the table. He turned back to Tom immediately. 

Thomas was looking at him curiously, his expression calculated. Hal met his eyes and waited. The next move would be Tom's. 

Tom sprung suddenly, pouncing on Hal and kissing him firmly. It was slightly clumsy but none the less enthusiastic for it. He smiled into the kiss, tugging Tom close. Despite his big words about how he could have his cousin, he seemed to be relatively inexperienced. Hal found it endearing. 

Suddenly, Tom pulled away and collapsed into a fit of laughter. Giggles, really, the very same as Ned's. 

Hal's brow furrowed. He was starting to feel there was something he was missing. Tom was wheezing, bent double and didn't seem to be able to stop laughing. He couldn't account for it. 

Ned moved around quickly to Tom's side, tugging off his coat. “Oh, tell him.”

Tom laughed even harder. 

“Tell me what?” Hal asked. There was some joke he wasn't a part of. Tom was laughing so much he couldn't speak. 

“Are you waiting until he gets into your breeches?” Ned asked. “I would rather you did not, because I want to see his face and I do not want to be here when he gets that far.” 

“What about his breeches?” Hal asked. 

“You really cannot tell, can you?” Tom asked. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he caught his breath. He grinned at Hal, his eyes sparkling. There was something familiar about the way he looked at him. Well, of course there was the family resemblance. But for cousins they looked remarkably alike. Ned was giving Hal an almost identical grin, expectantly waiting for him to work it out. 

He studied Tom again, his features looking more and more familiar the more he stared. Had they met before? 

An image came to his mind suddenly, of something he'd seen out of the corner of his eye earlier that night. The cousins had been speaking and Tom had leaned in to kiss Ned affectionately on the forehead. He remembered seeing something like that before. But where? At Ned's house, perhaps? But he'd never met any of Ned's family really, except for - 

“Nell?” he asked, his eyes bugging. 

‘Tom’ dissolved into laughter again, whipping off his wig. Her wig. She winked at him. 

“I cannot believe you fell for it!” Ned said, laughing. 

“I cannot believe you played such a trick on me!” Hal said, indignant. But he laughed along with them, as he realised how well they had fooled him. 

“It was not meant to be a trick,” Nell said, combing out her hair with her fingers. “We were sure you would notice it was me and play along.” 

Ned laughed. “But Thomas bewitched you."

“Wait - 'her body is mine', oh…" he said admiringly, jabbing a finger at Nell. She laughed and clutched her side. 

“Oh for heavens sake, take it off,” Ned said, tugging up the shirt Nell wore. Hal quickly averted his eyes. “Oh, now you are a gentleman?” 

Hal glanced over his shoulder. Nell had removed her shirt and Ned was unwinding a long linen strip from around her chest. 

“'Magnificent,' you said?” Nell said playfully. 

Hal raised an eyebrow, his cheeks flushing. 

"I do not wish to remain for this," Ned declared. He dropped the end of the fabric, causing it to slip down, unravelling under it's own weight. Nell folded her arms over her chest, holding it in place. 

Nell smirked. “But he will share you. That is, if you are interested in Nell instead of Tom.” 

“Your sister?” He asked Ned, taken aback. 

Nell cleared her throat. "I am standing here, and I did the asking. He has nothing to do with this, other than not minding if I borrow one of his lovers."

Hal glanced between the siblings, confused. 

Ned shrugged. “I do not want to see it, but I have no objection if you are both willing.” 

"Leave us to talk alone, Ned?" she asked. Her voice suggested a lot more than talking. 

"As you wish," he said, grinning and kissing her forehead. He clapped Hal on the shoulder as he left the room, a bottle of wine in his hand. 

Hal looked back at Nell, who was grinning at him, her arms still crossed over her chest.

"Are you still interested in seducing me now I am no longer Thomas?" she asked. 

Hal laughed. "It seems like you are trying to seduce me," he said, taking a step closer to her. He was definitely still interested. She was pretty and clever and her wit had played even more elaborate tricks than he had known. 

She laughed. “Well I will certainly make an attempt.” 

“How will you do that?” he asked. She was already doing very well, he had to admit. 

She tilted her head. “Oh I think moving my arms would do it.” 

He laughed, bouncing a little on the spot. He stared at her arms, crossed over her chest. She was right. 

She took a step closer. “I must to go back to my life tomorrow. Duty and obedience and responsibility. Marriage to a man who doesn't excite me, who I am not attracted to. That will have to happen, in time, but I want to experience as much as I can before then.” 

Hal glanced down at his feet, lowering his arms to his side. His fingers drummed absently against his thigh. “It is a risk,” he said, taking a step closer to her. 

She nodded. “Everything I have done tonight has been a risk.” 

He grinned, moving closer still. “You are attracted to me?” 

She laughed, tossing her head back. “I am, there is no need to be coy. I have also heard you are a decent lover.” 

His eyes widened at her teasing. “Decent? I will show him decent.” 

“Show me first,” Nell said gleefully. She had the same dimples as her brother. 

Hal grinned, and wordlessly reached down to slide a hand along each of her arms. He lifted them, and she raised them eagerly. He stared down, drinking in the sight as he licked his lips. 

He looked up to meet her eyes after a moment. “Magnificent.” 

She beamed and threw her arms around his neck before launching herself into his arms. 

\--

Nell had never laughed as much as she had tonight. 

She had laughed in between kisses as her hands fumbled with Hal’s clothes; laughed as they fell onto the small, lumpy bed. At first, the kisses Hal trailed along her skin had tickled, had made her squirm and chuckle breathlessly. With Kate, it had been so much - fierce and tender, sweet and lingering and a hundred other things. But this was sheer joy, a weightless feeling of pure pleasure and enjoyment. She had only stopped laughing once Hal’s head rested between her legs, and then only because one needed breath to laugh, and it felt like all of hers had been stolen away. She had laughed as she had caught it after, as she pulled him up to kiss him happily. 

There had been a sting, a very brief moment of discomfort at the beginning, but none of the horror she’d heard whispered about. She could not say whether it was her previous experience, or Hal’s care, or even if it was merely her giddiness smoothing over any ill effects. There had been yet more laughter as he moved over her; from both of them. He’d chuckled against her skin as he moved, restrained at first but less so as they continued, until he was grinning down at her - teeth bared and eyes flashing as he took his pleasure and gave Nell hers. 

She was still laughing even now, as she slumped forward over Hal, her chest pressing against his. 

Hal gave a low, satisfied murmur as he wrapped his arms around her. “Not the usual reaction.” 

Nell smiled at him. “It is a natural one. I feel giddy.” 

“So long as you do not mock my performance,” he said, his hand sliding along her skin.

She shivered. “Mm, no. It was decent.” 

He barked out a laugh, his hands sliding around and over her ribs, tickling her mercilessly. She collapsed forward even more, laughing along with him. 

His hands stilled after a moment and she lifted her head to meet his eyes. He raised an eyebrow. “So…” 

She nodded, leaning down to kiss him firmly. “Thank you,” she said against his lips. 

He slid his hand up her back again. “It was a pleasure,” he said, nuzzling her neck. 

She laughed again. “Yes it was.” 

She straightened up and sighed, climbing off him. 

He gave a small, disappointed noise. “Where are you going?” he asked, rocking into a seated position as she moved around the room searching for her clothes. 

“Home. I must be all tucked up in bed by morning.” She pulled a face. 

He wrinkled his nose and slid a hand through his hair. “I suppose.” He stretched, with a loud sigh, and leaned over to pick up his clothes. 

He laughed, picking up her tights with the clumsily sewn padding in the crotch. There had been a lot of laughter when he'd first discovered them. 

She grinned and took them as he pulled on his own, stretching as he got to his feet and heading for the door with no shirt on. “I'll find your brother.” 

She couldn't stop herself grinning as she wrapped the binding loosely around her chest. They would go straight home from here, so she did not need to take too much care. 

She tidied her wig as best she could before stepping out into the other room. Hal sat in Ned’s lap, which looked strange given his height. Ned was kissing him fiercely, a hand tangled in his dark hair. 

She'd tugged on Hal’s hair earlier, as he had his head buried between her legs. Sharing a lover with her brother was strange. It wasn't likely to continue with Hal, though, so it would be well. 

She cleared her throat. 

Hal jumped and got to his feet, giving her a guilty look.

She laughed. “I can make my way home if you want to stay, Ned?” 

Ned shook his head. “No, I'll go home. He will live.” He winked at Hal, who laughed and swatted his arm teasingly. Ned jabbed at Hal’s stomach with his elbow as Hal ducked away. 

“Goodbye, then,” she said. “See you … well. If you ever call around with Ned.” 

Hal smiled, giving an overly elaborate bow. “Goodbye. It has been an honour.” 

She laughed and leaned in to give him the same chaste kiss to the forehead she always gave Ned. It felt right, somehow. 

He straightened up and winked at her. 

Ned had opened the door. “Come on. There's a carriage waiting and we want to be home before anyone notices.” 

She waved and followed Ned out into the street giddily. It was dark, and mostly deserted. She leaned against him in the carriage, laughing at nothing in particular. 

“Well, how was it?” He asked, amused. 

“Decent,” she said with a grin. She kissed his forehead. “Thanks, Ned. I am glad I had tonight.” 

His smile faded slightly. “So am I. I wish it could be for longer.” 

“So I could steal all your lovers?” She asked teasingly. 

“Steal? Hah! I don't think so,” he said fondly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “You could do worse than Hal, though.” 

“I will have to,” she said, laughing. “Any other man would be a step down.” 

“Except his father,” Ned pointed out. 

Nell pulled a face. “No thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Note: this has not been beta'ed because - and this is not a joke - it is therapy homework to post it. Let me know if you spot typos!


End file.
